What is SEARS Relationship Theory
A Different Way to Understand Your Relationship
Most couples know when something in their relationship isn't working. What can be much harder is understanding why.
An argument about money may not really be about money. A communication problem may have more to do with emotional safety than communication skills. A lack of intimacy may be connected to unresolved conflict somewhere else in the relationship.
Relationships are complicated because the different parts of a relationship affect each other.
That is the idea behind SEARS Relationship Theory.
Looking at the Relationship as a Whole
SEARS was developed from our experience working with thousands of couples over many years. Again and again, we noticed that relationship problems rarely exist by themselves.
Communication affects conflict. Conflict affects emotional safety. Emotional safety affects closeness and intimacy. Problems in one area can eventually begin affecting several others.
SEARS is our attempt to better understand those connections.
Rather than simply asking, “What is wrong?”, SEARS helps us ask a more useful question:
“What may be happening underneath the problem we can see?”
From Experience to Something We Can Measure
Years of working with couples gave us many observations about relationships. But experience alone isn't enough.
That is why we began developing the SEARS Relationship Assessment.
The assessment is designed to look at several important areas of a couple's relationship and help identify both strengths and areas that may need attention. As couples complete the assessment, we can also study patterns across relationships and compare what we observe with established relationship research.
Sometimes the results confirm things we have believed for years. Sometimes they cause us to look at relationships differently.
Both are valuable.
Not a Grade for Your Relationship
SEARS isn't intended to label a relationship as “good” or “bad,” and it isn't about deciding which partner is right or wrong.
Every relationship has strengths. Every relationship also has areas where growth is possible.
The purpose of SEARS is to provide couples with another way of understanding their relationship—especially the connections they may not have recognized before.
Ultimately, understanding should lead to something practical:
Where are we now? What might be affecting us? What can we work on? And are things getting better?
SEARS Is Still Growing
SEARS Relationship Theory and the SEARS Relationship Assessment are continuing to develop.
As we gather more information, study the results, compare our observations with existing relationship research, and learn from couples themselves, we expect our understanding to continue to grow.
We will share many of those findings through our SEARS Observations, where we take individual relationship patterns and explain what they may mean in everyday language.